Gratitude for a Life Beyond Recovery
We hear it all the time, we all have something to be grateful for. And at a times of pain and misery it may even feel nauseating to hear the word. . . gratitude.
Yes, I know, you’ve heard it before. However, let me share my take on it.
I have been challenged with physical pain for the last 4 months. This has truly motivated me to use a few self-observations (in-the-moment) and self-reflections (looking back) exercises to recognize my attitude. It’s amazing how fast I turn negative when in pain.
Feeling sorry for myself is very tempting, using my pain as an excuse to “not get things done” has been on my mind, and “seeing faults in others” has been in the forefront of my thought process.
Consequently, there has been a lingering fear that I was going to be a true bit#@ on our wonderful vacation. I feared my own negativity and I was scared I was going to ruin my family’s vacation due to the fact I was just hurting, all the time. How was I going to manage?
Gratitude shows up when I remembered to do the Stop.Drop.Check. exercise repeatedly until I truly could manage my attitude. I am so grateful for the exercises I was given in my coaching school years ago, and for the once I have to do now before my annual “refresher class.”
The questions I was assigned go like this: When do I flee from what is happening, and when do I deepening into what’s happening?
Through the self-observation, I have noticed that there is a craving, a strange desire to just “leave” the moment I feel unsafe or uncomfortable. I have an internal feeling of comfort, and when I am there, I feel as if I can do anything. However, the moment I feel any kind of threat (imagined or real) I “leave.”
I have become better at recognize the triggers and to “stay a little longer,” and that has made all the difference.
That’s where the magic lives, in the moment of awareness that “I want to leave, my whole body wants to leave, but I chose to stay!” Yes! What a freedom. That’s where gratitude lives in my world. And that’s where the “life beyond recovery” resides, in the here and now.
Even if it’s short lived, and I eventually leave for a moment, the time I’m staying is longer, sweeter, and more wonderful.
In relationships, staying and engaging is the absolute most wonderful feeling. To be fully connected to another person. When you dare to drop inside and stay, open your heart, and fully engage, the other person feels that and dare to open a little more themselves. The result is this wonderful emotional, somatic, and mental dance, a true joining at the core.
The vacation became a wonderful opportunity to connect with my husband and girls. I wasn’t perfect, but able to “own” my own behaviors and apologize when appropriate. I would dare to say we became closer than ever.
A life beyond recovery is raw, crisp, clear, open, honest, vulnerable, and wonderful. Try it!
I am so grateful that I am catching myself more often, and that I have the courage now to choose to “stay.”